Fiction and Laundry (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this essay, we talked about the three forces at work in the process of cleaning: chemical, thermal, and mechanical. If one is not available, success can still be achieved by increasing the amount of the remaining forces.

Today we’re going to talk about writing fiction. Before we begin, however, I should disclose right away that I have never in my life published a single word of fiction. Actually, that is not quite true – I have in fact published many words that were considered to be non-fiction but were in fact made up, so it could be argued that I have indeed, published fiction. Phantom fiction, for lack of a better term.

If you are worried that the tales I tell on the blork blog are false, I will say this: while I fully endorse the principle that it’s my bloggie and I’ll lie if I want to, I have rarely, if ever, patently lied on this blog. I have occasionally embellished for effect and narrative progression, but none of my memoirs are fictional. Rather, the lies I tell are those I write in print, sometimes under a different name. ‘Nuff said.

I should also add that although I do not write or publish fiction, per se, I do in fact read quite a lot of it, and I also read quite a lot about how to write it. Gardner’s On Fiction, Euland’s If You Want to Write, King’s On Writing, Lamott’s Bird by Bird – even Goldberg’s highly annoying Writing Down the Bones, have all passed through my eyeballs, in whole or in part (the words, silly, not the books).

While I would not say I am qualified to teach a class in fiction writing (although I’m probably more qualified than many of those who do), I do feel comfortable in asserting the ideas I am about to propose, which will do nothing to further your fiction writing career, nor mine, but might provide a bit of insight into why some fiction writers fail, and why some – against expectations – succeed.

Unfortunately, that preamble was so long I feel compelled to end this post here, for now. Check in again tomorrow – or possibly the next day – when we finally get to the point.