What a wierd weekend, marked almost entirely by geekiness. On the other hand, I made a lot of small transitions of the sort that change a bit of the top-level texture of daily living. I got through some serious items on my "to do" list, getting some big-time monkeys off my back.

For example, I’ve complained for a few years now that I think my bicycle doesn’t fit me well, that the handlebars are too low, although they are at their maximum extension (which is not much). I causes my arms and wrists to hurt when I ride, meaning I don’t ride as much as I would like. Finally, I took the thing to a bike shop and had them install a handlebar post that’s a bit longer, granting me perhaps an extra two inches. What a difference that makes. Exit one monkey.

Then there’s my damn computer–the dog that I bought from IPC last year. It’s been dragging its ass for months now, slowing to a crawl and acting strangely, something that brings a little bit of aggravation into every one of my days. Come to think of it, it’s never really functioned properly, but lately it’s just been stupid.  I suspected the hard drive was giving out, so on Saturday I bought a new hard drive and another 128 MB of RAM. I then spent the rest of the day (and night, until 4am) backing up, swapping out the old drive, installing the new one, re-installing Windows, etc. It’s been a lot of work, and even now at the end of Sunday night I’m not finished. I have over 20 applications to re-install and configure, which takes time. I still haven’t set up my email accounts.

However, the machine is now lightning fast and as fresh as spring rain. There goes another monkey. I now have 40 GB of disk space, most of which I’ll never use, but what the heck. 30 gigs of that is on my new 7200 rpm hard drive, and the other 10 gigs is from my "old" drive, which now seems to be working just fine. No worries, I’ll use the 10 GB drive as a backup.

I ended the evening my going to the Paramount to see Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes. What a fabulous monkey-fest! There is no point in comparing it to the original, so I won’t even go there. Suffice to say it was a hairy-knuckled blast, a simian sensation. I can seriously say that Tim Roth should get an Academy Award nomination for best ape.

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Know your friends…

A certain someone emailed me this “do you know your friends” thing, which involves answering a bunch of personal questions and then emailing it to your friends. Each recipient then copies the questions and fills in their own responses and sends it on, ad infinitum.

She listed me as “least likely to respond”, because she (correctly) knows that I don’t like chain email. (I’m convinced that somewhere, someone is data-mining this for spam purposes.) Interestingly, many of her answers are exactly what I would have said.

So, I will simultaneously prove her both wrong and right by posting my answers here. Note that as a Gemini (and as an Ed) I find it really, really hard to commit to any of these answers. If you choose, you may copy the questions and forward your answers to your friends as you see fit. If you do so, please include the official instructions, reproduced in blue, below:

Here’s what you’re supposed to do…and DON’T BE LAME and spoil the fun.

COPY(not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Be honest!

Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Two-bedroom apartment in Westmount (Quebec, Canada) that I share with an orange cat named Spiff.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Canada Made Me by Norman Levine, England Made Me by Graham Greene, Wanderlust by the travel editors at, Paris: True Stories of Life on the Road from Traveller’s Tales Guides, The Collected Traveller–Paris.

3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t have one. Hate ’em. (I use a track ball at home and a nice smooth desk at work.)

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? It’s a fist-fight between Scrabble and Pictionary. (There’s this guy named Dave who lives on the Plateau in Montreal. When we team up we rule the Pictionary game!

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Wrasslin’ match between Harper’s and the old Saturday Night (pre-National Post). I also read Utne Reader, Geist, and occasionally the UK edition of Esquire. My guilty pleasure is Maxim, but to preserve my sanity I only buy it about twice per year.

6. FAVORITE SMELLS? Fresh basil. Clean skin. My own farts (it’s theraputic).

6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? Anyone else’s farts.

7. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Birds chirping as I go to bed at 5am. The sound of a loved one sleeping. Spiff purring.

8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Utter dispair. Fortunately I rarely feel this, but I get it vicariously through the dispair of others.

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? It’s Saturday, right? It’s gotta be Saturday. What happens if I stay here until Saturday?

10. FAVORITE COLOR? Three-way sumo match between burnt orange, maroon, and almost any shade of green (except lime).


12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? Don’t understand the question.


14. FAVORITE FOOD? Dinner.

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla–one of our palate’s most under-rated flavors. I also like it because it’s not the obvious choice.

16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Oh, baby! (One of my favorite fast-driving memories is five hours non-stop at 150 kph from southern France to Paris, in a tiny four cylinder Renault 102 with U2’s Zooropa playing over, and over, and over.)

17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No, but with five stuffed pillows.

18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? Both. The scarier the cooler.

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1970-something Datsun B-210 with a bent frame and trouble turning left.

20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? My first inclination is towards Oscar Wilde, but he’d blow me off as an ignorant provincial. I have undying respect and admiration for Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela, because of all they stand for, but I would be so humbled in their presence that I wouldn’t actually enjoy myself. The Marquis de Sade would be interesting and titilating, but I’d only want to meet him as a young radical libertine, not as the sweaty pervert he became in later life. Then there’s Bono from U2 but I’d probably try to kill him and assume his identity, if for no other reason than to stop his being so smug. Realistically, I’d love to kick back with the late Brian Moore, my favorite novellist, because I think he’d not only be a brilliant and engaging conversationalist, but would be personable too, and could hold his Guinness. Barring that, I’d go for Jennifer Lopez but only if I was allowed to put my hands on her ass.

21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Clash of the following Titans: Guinness, Scotch whiskey, whatever you’re buying.

22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Gemini. Both of me.

23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? No, but I toss ’em in the freezer for later use in soup stock.

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Professional (and well-paid) curmudgeon.

25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? I can dye my hair any color. I choose not to.

26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Oh yeah.

27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Hey! There’s stuff in the glass!

28. FAVORITE MOVIE? Bare-knuckle slug-fest between Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, The Matrix, and Ronin. (Note that I am influenced by recently-seen films, but Ronin is the only movie I’ve ever spent an entire weekend watching. Hail DVD!)


30. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Dust. Spiff hair.

31. FAVORITE NUMBER? The phone number I actually remember when I need it.

32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Whatever game is ending.

33. SAY A NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Great knockers! A thoughtful, compassionate, rational, romantic. (She’d make a good Gemini.)

34. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Doesn’t apply directly, but I suspect Suki will copy this and send her version around.

35. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Doesn’t apply directly, but I think there’s some guy in Kentucky who’s really pissed off and confused because he thinks this is Björk’s weblog.

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Dawn of the New Ed

About 12 years ago I was stuck in a rut, standing there with a piece of paper flapping in my pocket (a BA degree), with no clue as to what I should do–or wanted to do–next. So I found some book (for the life of me I can’t remember what it was called) that helped me map out what I liked, what I didin’t like, what I was likely to succeed at, where my interests lay, etc.Out of that came the famous “five year plan“, which basically starts with envisioning who and where you want to be in five years. The plan worked miraculously. It helped me figure out what I wanted, and helped me focus on that. I was able to deflect most distractions and stuff that was not important, or was not bringing me closer to my goals. (Yeah. Goals. For the first time in my life I had real goals.)

OK, that was around 1989, so my five year plan was achieved seven years ago. I built on it for a while, but for the last couple of years I’ve essentially been coasting. Just riding the wave, without thinking about where I really want to be going next.Or, more precisely, coming up blank when I’d think about where I wanted to go next.

This has been scratching at the back of my angst for a while now, but I’m finally doing something about it. I found a new book, “Me, Five Years From Now”, which I hope will be as effective as the last one was.

I highly recommend this approach for people in a rut. It’s a cliche, but if you don’t know where you’re going, you ain’t never gonna get there.

The cool thing about this new book is that you don’t just read advice, you write out your own plan directly into the book. The first part of the plan (for me) is to get healthy. I’m not going to starve myself, but I’m going to make a concious effort to shun crap food, eat more fruit and veg, and get active!

The difference between my saying that today and my saying it last week is that yesterday I went through the process of mapping it out, so it’s now a plan instead of just a vague idea. Once it becomes a plan it’s much easier to follow through.

This plan will grow and will encompass many other things. It’s gonna be good!


I had a dream last night about me and an ex-girlfriend (who I will call ExGF). ExGF and I were driving an old truck along a dirt road in some rural area. We stopped at a dusty old store for ice cream. We sat on a bench eating the ice cream, and right in front of us was a steep hill that went up about 100 feet. At the top of the hill, right on the edge of the cliff, some people were building a house. All they had up so far was the frame.

It looked kind of shaky and I suddenly felt like it might come crashing down the hill right on top of us. ExGF was sitting on my right, so I said “If that comes down, you go that way (right) and I’ll go this way (left)”. No sooner had I said that when the house collapsed and came tumbling down the hill. I jumped to the left just in time to avoid the cascade of crashing timber, but she wasn’t as quick. She was buried under all the broken 2x4s.

The wood was so smashed up it was almost like straw. I jumped on the pile and started digging. I found her almost right away, and pulled her out, but she wasn’t hurt. She was a little bit dazed, but laughing. She had wood chips in her hair and was brushing the debris off her shirt and she said something like “Hoowee! Where’d THAT come from!”

That dream is so “of” ExGF and I. I’m cautious and vulnerable and always thinking in advance. She’s reckless but invulnerable, as if she has a guardian angel.

I think I had a guardian angel once, but it became a crack addict and moved to Las Vegas.