A few things we need to get straight…

» If you’re riding your bicycle the wrong way down a one-way street, and I’m riding my bicycle the right way up that street, it’s your ass that has to shove over. The price of riding against traffic is the loss of your right of way. Get used to it.

» The louder the bass from your car stereo, the more of an idiot you are.

» Wait until I get off the damn Metro/bus/elevator before you shove your way onto it!

» Hey you on the stage! If you stripped without dancing you’d still have a job. But if you danced without stripping you’d be fired. Therefore you are a stripper, not a dancer.

» If you must play that loud music in your apartment, then at least close the damn window–people up and down the street do not want to hear your lousy AC/DC records!!

» The more facial peircings you have, the more your appearance screams “I’m an immature twerp who thinks that following a fad establishes my individuality.”

» An extra-strength Tylenol is just a Tylenol-and-a-half (500mg of Acetomenophen instead of 325mg). It’s not a special formula, nor a different drug. Three regulars are exactly the same as two extra-strengths!

» Stop playing “good guy/bad guy” when it comes to international politics. They’re all bad guys.