Worst commercial Web sites ever?

OK, maybe not ever, but I happened upon these two ghastly sites today and they’re both terrible but for very different reasons.

First there’s the Web site for Gasser’s camera shop in San Francisco. Forget about the lack of any sort of search tool or navigation scheme. Forget the broken links all over the place. Just look at the damn thing!

This screen shot of the “Digital Cameras” page was taken on a 1680×1050 monitor with the browser at full screen. Notice the scroll bar? There’s more to the right, right off the page! It looks like somebody cut a bunch of ads out of a magazine and then threw them on the floor and took a picture of it. It is mind boggling! And the fonts are all Zapf Chauncery and Comic Sans! Needless to say, I didn’t find anything I was looking for because I was so overwhelmed by all the visual noise.

At the other extreme are the various Web sites for Crumpler bags (one for Australia, for the U.S., Canada, etc.). Fun, hip, and irreverent, oh yeah! So goddam hip and irreverent that you want to scream and go running back to Gasser’s.

Screaming monkeys, gunshots, weird zombie talk, and endless waiting for Flash pages to load. That’s about all I got out of Crumpler. I eventually (after endless loading, waiting, and enduring all those unwanted sounds) found the shopping area, but it didn’t help much. The pictures of the bags are really small, and the descriptions are terrible. I don’t care if they have hip and irreverent names like “The Breakfast Buffet” and “The Dreadful Embarrassment;” descriptions like the following do not make me want to shell out a hundred bucks for a camera bag:

You are more embarrassing than a lizard without a tongue, chum, more embarrassing than Superman’s skidmarks, son, I’m gonna throw you reverse piking from the diving board with your costume up your three bum cheeks!

Thanks guys, that really tells me a lot. I did manage to find some tech specs, but by then I was so tired of waiting for pages to load and so distrustful of the site and the people behind it that I had no desire to buy.

I mean really. It’s like a bunch of rich trust fund kids hired some bag designers to create what look like decent bags, but then they threw it all away by smoking a whole lot of pot before they came up with their site design and marketing approach. The whole thing just stinks of “I’m like really stoned so I don’t care if you don’t buy the bag cuz I don’t need yer stinking money anyway and besides like if you don’t like the web site then don’t buy the bag cuz like I don’t care if you don’t buy the bag cuz I don’t need yer stinking money anyway and . . . hey, are you gonna eat that? What were you talking about? Heh heh. Donuts.