Stupid hipster

So I finally redeemed my coupon for free Tim Horton’s coffee. I went at off-peak hours and nobody laughed. OK, I’m over it.

But as I was approaching the counter at the Tim Horton’s kiosk in the Promenades de la Cathédrale, some stupid hipster chick with her emo glasses, pockety canvas shoulder bag, and tattoos of stars behind her ears cut in front of me. It wasn’t like there was ambiguity in our positioning or anything – she just came up from behind and deked around me to get to the counter first.

And get this: she was carrying a coffee from Starbucks.

So she puts the Starbucks coffee on the counter and looks up at the menu. She thinks for a while, and then initiates a long and complicated discussion with the bored-looking counter girl.

After what seems like hours, the counter girl takes a bagel from the racks and hands it off to the prep dork. She rings it up on the cash register while the stupid hipster pulls a purple wallet out of her bag and starts to sift around for change. The hipster counts out a couple of dollars worth of nickels, dimes, and quarters, pausing occasionally to take a coin back from the counter girl’s hand and replace it with something else. By now a few glaciers have melted and the counter girl is nearing retirement. I’m still standing behind her thumbing my free coffee coupon, worried about its expiry date.

The hipster pays, but doesn’t even stand aside while waiting for her bagel. So I have to reach around her to pass my coupon to the counter girl, who pours and caps my free coffee in about six seconds flat. I glare at the stupid hipster but she is oblivious, just standing there in front of the cash register starting at the donut displays and listening to her iPod.

Stupid idiot hipster. It’s bad enough to be rude, but when you’re both rude and oblivious you’re nothing but a train wreck of a personality. And talk about a slowness disaster – she’s a combination of Barge and Fussyburger; a Turtle Hazard in the making.

18 thoughts on “Stupid hipster

  1. See, now I used to think I was the only one who had these borderline-murderous thoughts about people who are rude, tedious, and worst of all *impervious* to the fact! But now I feel better. Kinda. :-)

  2. As a card-carrying former hipster, may I protest your miscategorization of what is quite clearly an emo-punk-faux-suburban-rebel.

    Hipsters would be someone who lives in Williamsburg, goes to Vice Magazine parties, or probably works for Vice Magazine themselves. Though their clothes and haircuts might be equally ridiculous, they’re an order of magnitude more expensive. Canvas shoulder bags are much more indie-punk / college kid…

  3. Maybe I’m getting older, but I’ve increasingly dealt with morons like this thorough minor acts of violence. Attempting to trip her as she passed or a stern brush with an elbow as I reach past her to give the lady my change. Not that it would make any difference. Their ego self preservation will assume it is me who is being a jerk.

  4. Did the “hipster” have a mug hanging from her shoulder

    Years ago, I was at a MMMuffin outlet, and the woman
    ahead of me seemed to be taking her time deciding. Then
    I noticed she was on a cellphone, and then it was obvious
    that she was taking orders while she stood there, so she
    had to relay the choices available, and then wait as
    each person at the other end decided on their choice.


  5. What a great description! The fashion details are admirable. Hey! I get your frustration: darn, can’t a guy get his free Tim Horton’s coffee in peace…

  6. Um, why not just a simple, “I guess you didn’t see me, but I was standing in line.”? Or am I getting progressively cheekier in my old age?

  7. “Gee it looked like I was ahead of you in the line !!”

    Then just barge past them while they grouch about, “Rude old guys…”


    Not that you are old, no older than me, but those kinds of fashion victim kids (not that there is anything wrong with tattoos, shoulder bags and funky glasses) see anyone not in their uniform as “old”.

  8. I just hope Trojan never copies the “Roll up the rim” concept…

  9. Ed, Ed, Ed,

    Whining again…
    Last night two hours of sleep, this morning a four hours presentation, then three hours waiting at a stupid check point, to end up picking a fight with four kids with machine guns. The leader’s, which had not enough beard to hide the pimples on his chin, smartest remark was: “Don’t you know that Nablus is a very dangerous place…”
    – “Yeah tell me about it, I heard it’s surrounded by teenagers with Uzis”
    I know, not smart to make fun of a kid who holds your passport. Well, I got away with it and just had a beer and a bottle of wine with Tim later on.
    Anyway, if I could write like you, this would probably make a good story.
    I was just was checking my email and had a look at what you were up to. You know pump up a little adrenaline with your adventures in Timhortonland.
    See you on Monday.

  10. Hmm. OK, maybe it wasn’t really a deke (a sort of feinting move intended to make you defensively move one way while the person then quickly moves the other way to get around you). But it kind of looked like a deke, except it came from behind and I made no defensive move. More of a zigzag maybe.

  11. […] and the search results were all about the CdS’s vegetarian cook. No luck there. Happily, a cranky coffee drinker realised that we needed to be looking for saltimbocca, not saltimbanco. Silly me. All the recipes […]

  12. A cathartic rant, Ed. Same deal happened to me at a gas station- but I protested and the oblivious one stood aside, with a flourish that was intended to mock my presumption but to me, only accented his utter lack of class. It’s just schoolyard bullying. Take back the counter, Mr. Blork. Be mad as heck….

    To that person above who quibbled with the verb “deked” – these people use attitude, vocal aggressivity, quick footwork, and chest and shoulder positioning (roll the chimpanzee behavior tapes) – and deke is as good a word as any to represent these nuances. Man, this turned into a Nicholas Baker passage.

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