The Blork Blog

Actually, it’s not the turkey that’s dangerous, it’s the fryer.

It’s several years since I first heard of deep-fried turkeys, but I’ve always thought of it as a very U.S. thing. There’s something about the bigness of deep frying a turkey that just doesn’t seem very Canadian.

I confess I’ve never tried it – neither cooking nor eating. Some sensitive-minded people balk at the idea, thinking of a deep-fried turkey as a massive KFC-like blob of grease. But apparently it’s not like that. First of all, one doesn’t bread or otherwise coat the turkey – the bird is stuffed and trussed and dropped whole into the oil.

The idea is to create a hot and consistent liquid cooking medium. Those of us who understand the role of thermodynamics in the kitchen can appreciate that a liquid such as cooking oil is a much better conductor of heat than, for example, the air in your oven. So the deep-frying is a way to cook the turkey fast, without burning it.

People who like it say the result is very moist and delicious. The oil only affects the skin, so once you carve the turkey you are, presumably, free of the grease.

The problem is that the cooker one uses to deep-fry a turkey is a very dangerous thing. Check out this warning from Underwriter’s Laboratories if you don’t believe me – and be sure to watch the videos.

They’re dangerous because they are very tippy – they tip over very easily, releasing five gallons of boiling oil onto your lawn, deck, driveway, or (if you are insane) your kitchen floor. Also, they represent a significant fire hazard, and not just if they tip. If the oil overflows the rim, it drips down and can be lit by the burner, creating an inferno. (No, really. Watch the videos.)

Personally, I stick with the oven. Not only do I not want to spend a fortune on five gallons of oil that will likely only be used once, but I really don’t want that kind of hazard anywhere near me. Deep-fried turkey might be delicious, but the whole concept and practice is, to me, an excercise in needless and bombastic excess.

I bring this to your attention because it seems that deep-fried turkey is coming to Canada. I spotted this display of turkey fryers at Loblaws in Longueuil on Sunday. For only $59.98, you too can buy a device that makes you spend $50 on peanut oil and threatens to burn down your house and/or scar and maim you and your family for life.

This is particularly hazardous in Canada, as we tend to cook whole turkeys during the cold part of the year. Northern turkey chefs are probably not going to set up their deep fryers out in the driveway or in the middle of the back yard when it’s five degrees celcius outside. No, they’re more likely to use the garage, or if they are completely stupid, the basement.

And if you’ve checked the UL video, you’ll notice that the fryer for sale at Loblaws is pretty much exactly like the one they show exploding in several different ways.

Forget that. Oven turkey is delicious enough for me. For the sake of your family, please don’t buy a turkey fryer!