September monkey!

The theme for the September monkey is: Pitch your life!

Early Childhood: Imagine if Beaver Cleaver were Beaver Bunker.

Puberty: It’s sort of like “Stand By Me,” except none of the kids actually like each other.

Adolescence: Imagine this: “Room 222” meets “Welcome Back Kotter.” Except they’re not as much fun as the Kotter kids. And they aren’t as smart as the kids in Room 222.” What, you don’t remember “Room 222?”

Career: This kid crawls out of a working-class cesspool and becomes . . . a corporate hack! It’s sort of like “Joe vs. The Volcano,” but without the volcano.

Love life: You know those repeating scenes in Atom Egoyan’s “Calendar,” where he has these women over for dinner and the women always end up alone in the kitchen talking on the phone? It’s kind of like that, but minus all the hidden motivations and cleverness. And sort of mixed up with a dash of “The Simpsons” and a twist of “Annie Hall.”