Mar 31 2003
Novel writing tips…
In honor of the upcoming Blue Metropolis festival, here are my top five tips for budding novelists.
(5) Don’t make your characters wink. People don’t wink. They haven’t winked for decades. Yet whenever bad novelists want their characters to acknowledge something lightheartedly, they wink. “Bob tossed him the keys and winked.” That wouldn’t happen. People don’t wink. Ever.
(4) There is never, ever, a reason to use the phrase “with bated breath.” There are many creative, concise, and evocative ways to express anxiousness. This is not one of them.
(3) Never refer to, or have your characters refer to, children as “rapscallions.” Unless you are English — then you can almost get away with it. But only if the novel is set in the 19th century or earlier. Otherwise, no rapscallions.
(2) There is no need for another novel about the outrageous sexual habits of young females who are secretly (or not so secretly) in love with their daddies.
(1) You are not Hemingway. You are not Atwood. You are not the author of the last book you read. Don’t try to write as if you are.
