Types of Babes.

Bill’s and Partygirlie’s comments after my Sexualist vs. Sensualist post, in which they talk about getting off on/in libraries and bookstores has prompted me to reveal my highly coveted list of Types of Babes. Keep in mind this is blork talking, so I’m not going to fall into that rut where “babe” means some kind of Barbie doll chick. Au contraire, a Barbie doll-type has to work extra hard on other things to overcome that handicap.

As such, for the purpose of this (and any further) discussion, a “babe” is a female person who isn’t hard on the eye-bones (this is very subjective and widely variable), and who exhibits the proverbial je ne sais quoi that transforms her out of the morass of the ordinary into the exhalted realm of the extraordinary. This can be as simple as how she wears her scarf, but is usually a complex arrangement of physical characteristics (with “cleanliness” at the top), plus style, attitude, smarts, wit, sensibility, and lack of annoying habits.

There are, however, a number of specific short-cuts, which are categorized below. If a woman fits into one of these categories, the chances of her achieving “babe” status increases by a full order of magnitude.

Thus, for your intellectual enjoyment, I present blork’s taxonomy of babeness:

  • Women in book stores (book store babes)
  • Women who drink scotch whiskey and don’t make a big deal of it (highlander babes)
  • Women in long black dresses who play the cello (cello babes)
  • Women who will eat just about anything I put in front of them (not-fussy babes)
  • Women who fall down when they laugh (fall-down-laughing babes)
  • Women who love to travel (travelling babes)
  • Women who love my cat (Spiff-lovin’ babes)
  • Women who know how to be angry without being hurtful (non-nasty babes)
  • Women who are jounalists—particularly Canadian TV journalists (news babes)
  • Women who don’t think I’m a dope (very astute babes)
  • Women who wear big knobby sweaters (sweater babes)
  • Women with Russian accents (ruška-babeškå)
  • Women who write plays, novels, or magazine articles (writerly babes)
  • Women who are astronauts from Quebec (les cosmo-babes)
  • Women who ride scooters (scooter babes)
  • You, if you’re still reading this