Know your friends…

A certain someone emailed me this “do you know your friends” thing, which involves answering a bunch of personal questions and then emailing it to your friends. Each recipient then copies the questions and fills in their own responses and sends it on, ad infinitum.

She listed me as “least likely to respond”, because she (correctly) knows that I don’t like chain email. (I’m convinced that somewhere, someone is data-mining this for spam purposes.) Interestingly, many of her answers are exactly what I would have said.

So, I will simultaneously prove her both wrong and right by posting my answers here. Note that as a Gemini (and as an Ed) I find it really, really hard to commit to any of these answers. If you choose, you may copy the questions and forward your answers to your friends as you see fit. If you do so, please include the official instructions, reproduced in blue, below:

Here’s what you’re supposed to do…and DON’T BE LAME and spoil the fun.

COPY(not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Be honest!

Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Two-bedroom apartment in Westmount (Quebec, Canada) that I share with an orange cat named Spiff.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Canada Made Me by Norman Levine, England Made Me by Graham Greene, Wanderlust by the travel editors at Salon.com, Paris: True Stories of Life on the Road from Traveller’s Tales Guides, The Collected Traveller–Paris.

3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t have one. Hate ’em. (I use a track ball at home and a nice smooth desk at work.)

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? It’s a fist-fight between Scrabble and Pictionary. (There’s this guy named Dave who lives on the Plateau in Montreal. When we team up we rule the Pictionary game!

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Wrasslin’ match between Harper’s and the old Saturday Night (pre-National Post). I also read Utne Reader, Geist, and occasionally the UK edition of Esquire. My guilty pleasure is Maxim, but to preserve my sanity I only buy it about twice per year.

6. FAVORITE SMELLS? Fresh basil. Clean skin. My own farts (it’s theraputic).

6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? Anyone else’s farts.

7. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Birds chirping as I go to bed at 5am. The sound of a loved one sleeping. Spiff purring.

8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Utter dispair. Fortunately I rarely feel this, but I get it vicariously through the dispair of others.

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? It’s Saturday, right? It’s gotta be Saturday. What happens if I stay here until Saturday?

10. FAVORITE COLOR? Three-way sumo match between burnt orange, maroon, and almost any shade of green (except lime).

11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Two.

12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? Don’t understand the question.

13. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE? Self respect.

14. FAVORITE FOOD? Dinner.

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla–one of our palate’s most under-rated flavors. I also like it because it’s not the obvious choice.

16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Oh, baby! (One of my favorite fast-driving memories is five hours non-stop at 150 kph from southern France to Paris, in a tiny four cylinder Renault 102 with U2’s Zooropa playing over, and over, and over.)

17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No, but with five stuffed pillows.

18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? Both. The scarier the cooler.

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1970-something Datsun B-210 with a bent frame and trouble turning left.

20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? My first inclination is towards Oscar Wilde, but he’d blow me off as an ignorant provincial. I have undying respect and admiration for Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela, because of all they stand for, but I would be so humbled in their presence that I wouldn’t actually enjoy myself. The Marquis de Sade would be interesting and titilating, but I’d only want to meet him as a young radical libertine, not as the sweaty pervert he became in later life. Then there’s Bono from U2 but I’d probably try to kill him and assume his identity, if for no other reason than to stop his being so smug. Realistically, I’d love to kick back with the late Brian Moore, my favorite novellist, because I think he’d not only be a brilliant and engaging conversationalist, but would be personable too, and could hold his Guinness. Barring that, I’d go for Jennifer Lopez but only if I was allowed to put my hands on her ass.

21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Clash of the following Titans: Guinness, Scotch whiskey, whatever you’re buying.

22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Gemini. Both of me.

23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? No, but I toss ’em in the freezer for later use in soup stock.

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Professional (and well-paid) curmudgeon.

25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? I can dye my hair any color. I choose not to.

26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Oh yeah.

27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Hey! There’s stuff in the glass!

28. FAVORITE MOVIE? Bare-knuckle slug-fest between Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, The Matrix, and Ronin. (Note that I am influenced by recently-seen films, but Ronin is the only movie I’ve ever spent an entire weekend watching. Hail DVD!)

29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Of course!

30. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Dust. Spiff hair.

31. FAVORITE NUMBER? The phone number I actually remember when I need it.

32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Whatever game is ending.

33. SAY A NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Great knockers! A thoughtful, compassionate, rational, romantic. (She’d make a good Gemini.)

34. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Doesn’t apply directly, but I suspect Suki will copy this and send her version around.

35. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Doesn’t apply directly, but I think there’s some guy in Kentucky who’s really pissed off and confused because he thinks this is Björk’s weblog.

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